mum rage, Chelsea Pottenger, Mama Disrupt

What is mum rage and the shame hangover?

In Features, Mind Health, Motherhood, Stories by Nicole Fuge

We’ve all experienced it, haven’t we? That moment when our patience runs out, and we feel the heat rising in our cheeks. It’s the dreaded mum rage. We’re only human, after all, but the shame hangover that follows can be brutal. 

By Mama Disrupt®

Mum rage is that overwhelming feeling of anger and frustration when we’ve reached our limit.

It might be triggered by something as small as a spilled glass of milk or as big as a toddler tantrum in the middle of the supermarket.

It’s that moment when our inner volcano erupts, and we shout or react in a way that makes us cringe later. We’ve all been there, and you know what? It’s ok.

What comes after the rage, though, can be just as challenging to navigate.

Enter the shame hangover.

It’s that sinking feeling of guilt and embarrassment, wondering if we’ve damaged our relationship with our little ones, or if we’ve failed as a parent. Mama, let us assure you: you are not alone. We’re all doing our best, and it’s vital to remember that nobody is perfect.

So, how can we embrace and overcome these emotional rollercoasters?


mum rage, mama disrupt

1. Recognise and validate your feelings

First and foremost, give yourself permission to feel angry. It’s a natural human emotion, and it doesn’t make you a bad mum.

Recognise your triggers and try to understand what’s causing your rage. It could be exhaustion, stress, or simply feeling overwhelmed. By validating your emotions, you’re taking the first step towards managing them.

2. Breathe and take a step back

When you feel the mum rage bubbling up, take a few deep breaths and try to create some distance between you and the situation. If it’s safe to do so, step away for a moment, allowing yourself the space to calm down and think more clearly.

mum rage, mama disrupt

3. Communicate openly with your child

Once you’ve collected yourself, it’s essential to communicate openly and honestly with your child. Explain why you became angry and how their actions affected you. By modelling open communication, you’re teaching your child valuable life skills and fostering a deeper connection.

4. Apologise and reconnect

If you’ve overreacted or said something hurtful, don’t hesitate to apologise. This simple act of humility shows your child that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay to own up to them. Then, reconnect with your child through a hug, a kind word, or a shared activity. This helps to rebuild the bond and ease any lingering feelings of guilt.

This repair work is gold.

mum rage, mama disrupt

5. Practice self-compassion and self-care

Lastly, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You’re doing an incredible job, mama, and it’s essential to cut yourself some slack.

Prioritise self-care, whether it’s a quiet moment with a cup of tea, a bubble bath, or a chat with a supportive friend. Nurturing yourself will help you better navigate the emotional ups and downs of motherhood.

So, beautiful mamas, remember that you’re not alone in experiencing mum rage and the shame hangover. Embrace these emotions, learn from them, and give yourself the love and support you need to grow stronger. We’re all in this together, and we’ve got your back.

Sign up to our newsletter for weekly mama goodness delivered straight to your inbox, like the VIP that you are.