By Miranda Murray
What is resilience?
Whilst it might sound fancy and complicated, resilience is simply one’s capacity to recover quickly from life’s challenges. Whether you are dealing with fertility challenges, a stressful divorce or even poor health, cultivating personal resilience is essential for coping and moving on from your struggles. Here are 10 signs that you are resilient and didn’t know it:
1. You don’t dwell on the negative things in your life
Resilient people let the negative times stay in the past. Because we only have control over the present, there is absolutely no reason to obsessively over-think life’s struggles. There is no reason to continuously play out alternative scenarios in your head or beat yourself up for making a wrong choice. Simply leave the bad times in the past, learn from the lessons that they may have brought with them and focus on having a great future.
2. You look towards the future in a positive manner
A true sign that you are resilient is if you have an optimistic attitude about the upcoming challenges and opportunities life has in store. Instead of obsessing over ageing or worrying about how everything will come together, resilient people trust the process that everything will work out one way or another and feel confident they have to life skills and the access to support to be able to cope in all situations. We just have to take life one day at a time, do our best and stay optimistic.
3. You don’t waste your time posting or reading passive aggressive comments on social media
When it comes down to it, no one’s mind is fundamentally changed by a nasty social media comment. Resilient people know how to ‘unfollow’ the negative people, hide the posts that set you off and focus on true connection with your friends and family. When it comes to posting something passive aggressive, a resilient person knows this is not the best way to deal with situations and if it really means something to you, you will communicate directly with the person/people in question to sort out any issues and nurture the relationships that matter.
4. Overall, you are happy within yourself
Whilst we all have our flaws, it’s a sign of resilience to remain focused on your strengths. None of us are perfect at this, but we can all improve our self-esteem, resilience and overall happiness by staying focused on the good things we have in our life, the things we are grateful for and embracing all that we are.
5. You know your boundaries
A resilient person knows that boundaries have nothing to do with other people and everything to do with ourselves. For example, “If you don’t stop gossiping, I will leave the room.” This kind of mentality gives other people the freedom to continue behaving however they would like, but it empowers the boundary-maker to remove his or herself from any situation that doesn’t align with their true selves. We always have choices in life, and resilient people know it.
6. You’re always available to give grace and forgiveness
Resilient people are comfortable with passing out forgiveness to others. Your husband forgot to grab dinner? Forgiveness. Your best friend can’t make it to your birthday party? Forgiveness. Your cab driver took a wrong turn? Forgiveness. If it won’t matter a year from now, resilient people don’t bother to lose their cool. And if you do, apologise to those on the receiving end and then go ahead and forgive yourself – after all you’re only human and resilient people don’t waste hours beating themselves up.
7. You don’t have a Victim Mentality
You take complete ownership of your life and everything in it. If there are things you would like to change, you take steps to change them. You learn lessons from the things that have occurred in the past, adapt, and take steps to achieve the things you would like rather than sit in a place of resentment, bitterness and lack.
8. Gratitude is something you practice regularly
There’s a reason gratitude is a staple to every self-improvement book in the world. Life is not always predictable and it will probably bring a mix of good things and bad things, but gratitude empowers us to focus on the good parts of life and not dwell on the not so good. Resilient people know that practicing gratitude is a healthy tool to bring into your daily practice. It’s a great way to start every day being thankful for the things you have and stepping out to face the day with an attitude of gratitude..
9. You keep good company
We all know that we are a composite of the five people we spend the most time around. Resilient people choose their companions carefully and are proud of the character traits they acquire from others. Our networks are full of people who lift us up.
10. You reach out for help when you need it
None of us are perfect. Sometimes life throws you challenges out of nowhere that are best left to confront with a certified professional. If you are struggling with one of those life-changing moments, it doesn’t mean you aren’t resilient, it could just be an indicator that it’s time to reach out to an expert. Many life coaches offer a complimentary 20 minute phone call to see if you are a good fit. Resilient people know not to stay isolated and stuck in a struggle by themselves. They have learnt that being vulnerable and reaching out is being brave.
Miranda has personally undergone 10 unsuccessful IVF treatments, resulting in a life-changing divorce and complete re-evaluation of her purpose in the world. Through her commitment to charity work and life coach training, Miranda learnt the skills to turn her life around and become the happiest and healthiest she has ever been. She is truly and emphatically passionate about communicating these skills to the community so women around the globe can learn what it’s like to feel valuable, liberated, and happy. Learn more at mirandamurray.com.