by Helen Halos, writer and mama of three
After mass observation of my fellow mamas, I’m trying to work out where I fit in and which one I am? I’ve come to realise I slip in and out of these mummy types depending on the day’s schedule, or the night I’ve had before. I’ve broken down my perception of the mummy types as follows (based on the good old Spice Girls).
// The Sporty Mummy
This is the mum you see almost always dressed in gym gear. Hair in a ponytail, or wearing a cap of some sort, and minimal makeup. The gym gear looks quite good (expensive) and the runners usually are as well. Their figure usually suits the ‘sporty’ type attire.
Me: I have never suited this type as I’ve never really enjoyed the gym – or sport of any kind, for that matter. Me wearing this gear looks out of place. I don’t own any good sporty clothing and I hate caps. The closest I have to sporty shoes is a decent pair of (very old) Nike runners – that I’ve never run in! On the rarest of occasions when I’ve tried to pull off this look, my partner has rolled around on the floor pointing and laughing at me. My figure would not support this mummy type – so I guess this one’s not for me!
// The Posh Mummy
So this mummy type would usually fit in with the corporate working woman. You see her dressed in lovely corporate attire at drop-off and pick-up. She’s always in stylish (but not over-the-top) heels and make-up to match. A flash of colour on her lips. Looking hot in her pencil skirt. Rushing to drop off her child and she is careful not to get dirty grubby hands on her clean, pressed light-coloured shirt. Or break a heel as she skips off back to her car and drops a burn out as she leaves so she gets to work on time.
Me: Gone are the days of corporate gorgeousness I’m afraid (sniffing into a tissue). The only time I’d be wearing something like this at drop-off is if I had a job interview – which it seems would be a miracle. I don’t even know how to walk in heels anymore and my pencil skirts no longer fit my big bum.
Maybe it would be fun to dress up as Posh Mummy for a week and tell all the other mamas I have a (paying) job! Ah, one could only dream…
// The Scary Mummy
This is the mummy type I can relate to. This mum looks a bit rough around the edges. Hard night? Hard year? You better believe it. It’s written all over her face and the clothing reflects this, too. Possibly dressed in breakfast-stained clothes or sleep scented from sleeping in the clothing the night before. Or crumpled from grabbing the clothes off the (floor/chair/laundry basket) to chuck on before heading out the door. Non-complicated shoes, like thongs or slip-ons. Make-up – if there’s a sign of any it would be about three days old thanks to an unwashed face. Um, old mascara hurts (trust me, I know). If you’re unfortunate enough to cop that in your eye, I sympathise with you! I call it – ‘attack of the killer mascara!’.
Me: I have my days which fit in with this one – I’m like a chameleon, the other mamas don’t recognise me sometimes. Is that a good thing? I’ve had plenty of mornings where I’ve rolled out of bed in yesterday’s clothes and just soldiered on. The trick or tip here is – I buy clothes that feel like I’m in my PJs but are the ‘minimal level of acceptable appearance’… so things like leggings (since pregnancy I’ve never been able to get away from these – not by choice, it’s now pure necessity) and baggy tops. Yeah and my ‘go-to’ fav slip-on shoes. Would you call it lounge wear? I call it mummy wear – and you’re lucky you’re getting me in this! That way if I happen to fall asleep on the couch nursing the kiddies, I can just go into ‘day mode’ and not skip a beat.
Hell, sometimes I’ve even forgotten when my last shower was. (I see your shocked face – you can’t hide that from me). Maybe early dementia is setting in. That prego brain they talk about has never really left me. I still have it in fragments. Wait – what was I saying? Mascara? Yes, please, but only on Saturdays.
// The Baby Mummy
I’ve had to really think about this category. And I’ve spilt it in two. This could be the mummy that’s always prego – just seems like she’s always cooking a human in her oven. Or this could be the mummy and child team that like to dress alike!
Mums with pretty little girls dressed like mini versions of themselves is not for me! I’m not loving the outfits for little girls that make them look 16. They’re only six for goodness sake! They have a lifetime to look tarty – why start so young?
Me: I’ve done my fair share of baking buns in my oven – so this one is not me. And I have three boys so there’s no matchy-matchy dress alike in my house! Or mini prom queens here. Lucky me!
// Ginger Mummy
Ok, so this one is really hard to place into a ‘category’ so how about I just say, Ginger Mummy is the mash-up version of all the other mummy’s – a bit of this and that!
Me: It seems I have an identity crisis going on. This is typical of new mums who have had to give away their sense of ‘self’ when becoming a new mummy. Who am I? Seems to be my daily mantra these days. The answer is – ‘I don’t bloody know for sure, but I am someone’s mummy and they think I’m a rock star!’. And that’s good enough for me!